I Heart You Forevah

Thanks to all y'all who said you would follow me to "And Baby Makes Four." You are the cream cheese to my bagel.

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That said, I'd like to say a sappy farewell to my beloved Fertility Project blog. You were there when I couldn't tell anyone about our IF troubles. And for the first time, words escape me. (This is why I don't do heartfelt)

I think of all you women still on the front lines of IF and I can't help but think how unfair things are and what a b*tch IF is. I got hella lucky and there's no rhyme or reason behind my blessings. With Mother's Day looming, I want you to know that I think of you. I think of you who try and wait and lose only to pick yourselves up and start all over again- month after month after month and I am in awe of your strength. When (not if!) you become mothers you will be able to tell your children how much they were wanted, how much they are loved, and the power of a woman's spirit. You inspire me.

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Hello?

Does anyone read my blog anymore? Sometimes blogging feels a little like using a homing pigeon. You send your message out into the universe and it's unclear whether or not anyone picks it up. This is why comments feel so satisfying...

I've been thinking very seriously about shutting down this blog and moving exclusively to what was a family-friendly version. Turns out my in-laws say "Fuck" so it's no longer edited and now I write the same post twice. And when you've got 2 babes, it's hard to justify that kind of busy work.

So I have to know. Is anyone out there? And if so, would you follow me to my other blog?


http://and-babymakesfour.blogspot.com/

Fatness Friday

I fell down on the job in the points department this week, I'm afraid. Curse you points and your accountability! I shake my fist at you!!!!

Buuut, I did manage to get my activity in as promised. Weee! I rule. Let it be known.

And the scale reflected the results of my half-assedness. Behold:

Pounds Lost: 37.5
Pounds Lost this Week: .6 (sigh...)
Pounds to Go: 16.5

So I'm recommiting to this whole points deal. If I slack-ass again on it I may have to revisit my diet of choice.

Other fatness goals include 4 days of 30 minute activity and eating at least 3 fruits or vegetables a day. See you next week!

3 Months Old!!!

These babies of mine are growing so fast, I can't stand it. I keep having these moments where I look at said nuggets and am horrified at their size. It always strikes me as funny when strangers say how small they are. Small? HA! You should have seen them when they were born or hell, yesterday. Because that's how fast these little beans are growing.

B keeps telling me they're going to go to college tomorrow and leave me. It would be funny if it didn't feel true.

I'm trying to get the babies on some kind of routine since the house is a little like a circus these days. Of course, Finn's reflux/colic/demon possession tends to thwart any well-intentioned schedule or routine. Time to feed Cassidy? Think again! It's time for Finn to scream, scream, scream until the walls rattle, my skin catches fire, or I walk him around the house. Whichever comes first.

Speaking of demon possession. My house was host to the Vomit Olympics today!

Exhibit A: Exorcist-like projectile vomit from Cassidy. I've never seen anything like it. She looked like a human fire hose. I was concerned about her until she started grinning ear to ear, vomit-face and all.

Then Finn got in on the action and puked on me no less than 4 times this afternoon. Awesome.

But here are some new baby pictures for your viewing pleasure!

Fatness Friday (4 days late)

I posted this on my other, family-friendly blog and then didn't post it here. Oops! Speaking of- I'm considering discontinuing this blog :(. The content on my other one is exactly the same and it's turning into busy work to double post. Would y'all follow me to my other blog or no? What if I say pretty please???

Anyway, here's Friday's post:

So apparently this here blogosphere is all about alliteration. Which, I can totally appreciate. Meal-Planning Mondays, Wordless Wednesdays, ad nauseum. They should, really, by the way, have a day of the week that starts with "B" or "C" so that I could start having a Beer Bursday or Cocktail Consday. I no longer carry fetuses in my belly so I can now drink!

ADD rant now complete, I will officially be starting Fatness Fridays!!! Yaaaay! I said I was going to be tracking my weight loss and I haven't really been on top of that so now you get a special day of the week. To date, here is my progress:

Pounds lost: 37
Pounds lost this week: .8 (sad...)
Pounds to go: 17

I'm sort of half-assing a weight watchers plan. Me and the points-counting don't so much get along although damn, if it doesn't work. My goal this past week of getting in 30 minutes of activity was way-layed by mother nature and snow. My lack of motivation only played a small role in this failure. I swear...

So for this week I will track every point of every bite and I will get in that stinkin physical activity, come rain or shine.

In other news:
I have pimped out some of your blogs (see sidebar). If you don't want to be broadcast to the masses (ahem- my parents and in-laws) then shoot me a note and I'll remove you. Ditto if you want to be added, mmkay?

Have Some Poop With Your Pellet

Stay with me here. I promise this is going somewhere.

In a former life I was a therapist.

Before that I was a "behavior modification interventionist" (and yes, I just made up that title. Because I can suckas). I utilized conditioning principles to shape the behavior of at-risk teens in residential programs.

And before that I was a debaucherous college student studying psychology and Skinner (who you may recall had the famous Skinner boxes- rat pulls lever, food pellet emerges).

I have to say my experience gave me a boost of confidence in this whole parenting gig. I know how to make people behave "appropriately" after years of fucked upedness, I know how to make a mammal with a pea-sized brain pull a lever, so bring on the human blank slate! I will mold you into homosapien epitomes of well-behavedness! (That's right- Not only do I make up job titles, I also make up words like a wizard!)

And then the babies were born and I learned they weren't going to play by the rules. Either that or my college GPA should have been MUCH lower because man, I didn't understand this whole behavior-shaping thing so well after all. Hmmm....

Last night I realized that one of the following was taking place:

a. I don't get behavior reinforcement principles (and I should never go back to being a therapist.)
b. The babies keep changing the rules on me, in which case- SHENANIGANS!

or

c. I have inadvertently created screaming, asshole babies

This last one got me thinking about those ole Skinner boxes and my college friend and fellow psychology major, Kim. Kim actually took an Animal Behavior course and used a Skinner Box with a rat. I visited her once while she was in Lab for this course. (Does anyone remember those days of yore when you would go to "Lab?" Man, I'm getting all nostalgic here. Where is my Southpaw beer?)


Anyhoo, I'm sitting there with Kim and her rat is NOT following the program. Instead of pulling the lever to get a food pellet, he keeps sidling up backwards to the pellet dish and sticking his hairy bottom into it. So, he's sitting with his giant rat's ass in a food bowl waiting for a food pellet to show up in it. I'm not sure if he thought he was pooping it out or if this was how it would magically appear. Kim was going bonkers saying, "I don't know how he started doing this!!!" She had unwittingly trained her rat to do this crazy behavior instead of the kosher lever-pulling mandated by the Psychology Gods.

So sometimes what you THINK you're doing is not what you're actually doing in the world of parenting. Sometimes you think that by giving your screaming child candy to stop the tantrum you were the one in control, when in fact- your kid was shaping YOUR behavior and you just whoopsed yourself into another tantrum on your next grocery run. And maybe that's what is happening here. Of course I recognize that there are confounding variables in this whole scenario- development, temperment, genetic code....And I hang onto the idea that all of this is normal and what's "supposed" to happen. Because frankly, I can't deal with the notion that my babes may have a case of the hairy bottom pellets. Damn.

Blog? What Blog?

Wowsa. It's been a long time since I updated this mother. It should really come as no surprise seeing as how every to-do list seems to just get longer and longer. In fact, I have turned into that mother who waltzes around in pajamas all day and can't even manage to get the dishwasher loaded. This is a distinct change from a month ago. I do not parent with any kind of finesse. It's all about survival.

Why the change, you might ask? I attribute it to the following 2 factors:

1. Acid Reflux
2. Colic (you bastard mother clucker)

This makes it so that our babes here like to be held ALL.THE.TIME. And screaming is a common soundtrack of this household. We call it "The Monster." As in, "Uh oh. Here comes the monster!"

Now I say to you-
One baby wanting to be held all the time = nuisance.
Two babies wanting to be held all the time = impossible

This is a truth, universally acknowledged. Or if it isn't, it should be.

So I basically spend most of the day on the couch where I can hold 2 babies at once or feed a baby while consoling another. Oh, and our babes have decided they like to nap at different times during the day leaving very little grown-up time. When I do get it, I basically run around the house and try to straighten up so that we don't look like we live in a hoarder's dumping ground and babies can get clean clothes. A shower is a luxury. This leaves very little time for the ole bloggity blog. OH, and I have a Thank You note list about a mile long qualifying me as the shittiest, least classiest friend alive.

So, here's a month's update of our super exciting lives:

* Finn is now in Size 1 diapers and has outgrown his newborn clothes
* Cassidy outgrew her preemie clothes and is filling out the newbs quite nicely
* Finn officially has Acid Reflux and it makes him kind of an asshole. If he's not sleeping or eating, he's screaming into his bottle or my breast, or just plain screaming
* Cassidy has decided that being held after eating is a must and will cry if she doesn't get it. Is this the baby equivalent of being held after sex?
* Finn has turned into quite the chunk at 9 lbs, 5 oz. Cassidy's holding strong at the 10th percentile at 7 lbs, 13 oz.
* The babies are breastfeeding! They latch on every time now. It's just a matter of whether they get enough. I supplement a lot but whatevs.
* Cassidy got taken off oxygen. Halle-fuckin-lujah
* The babes have decided they don't so much like the pacifiers anymore. This makes my life way suckier (no pun intended). Trust.
* The babies smile. Like, real, honest-to-goodness, non-gassy smiles

And in the grown-up camp:

* I have lost 34 pounds so far and have 20 to go! I've actually seen the scale tell me I have 18 to go but if I so much as look at salt, I gain 2 pounds.
* Our car was hit by a stop sign-running soccer mom a couple weeks ago and we went from being a one-car family to a no-car family. We have since gotten a Honda Pilot and love it! But this whole car accident, car shopping business really was a time- and energy-suck.
* I have stopped obsessing about my milk production. FINALLY! This has been one serious benefit of breastfeeding. If I can't measure it, I can't obsess. This has lead to a whole laissez-faire attitude about formula supplementation in general.
* We are interviewing nannies. We posted an ad on care.com and got 60 responses in a just a few days. So we narrowed it down to a top 10 and have been doing phone interviews to start.

And that's the shiz around here. Sorry for the wham-bam style of this blog. Trust me, I would have loved to sit down, type out some internet poetry, and then slam my laptop closed, and slap my knee with a satisfied, "Done!" Alas, life and acid reflux have other plans...

And now here are some pictures of the babes for your viewing pleasure!

Sleeping Cassidy


Sleeping Finn


2 Babes (they're so stinkin cute. I can't get over it)


Finn With Attitude. I think he's saying, "Put down the effing camera and feed me!"


Cassidy rocks the tummy time while Finn watches, fascinated and horrified.


And the obligatory 2 month picture. Finn slept through it but Cassidy tried to strike a pose. Which, it turns out, is really hard when you can't control your body.



And, finally, proof that my babies do more than scream: