Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Trigger This!

So, yesterday I celebrated my 11th annual 21st birthday.  You do the math.  The festivities consisted of eating sushi until my belly was distended like one of those starving children in Africa (I know this comment is in poor taste and FYI- I love those buggers and bawl my eyes out every time I see one of those commercials.  But not as much as I cry when I see homeless animal commercials.  Jesus people! You've got to STOP with the showing of the sad animals on TV! I can't handle it!!!).  Oops. Where was I? Oh yeah, starving children & sushi. THEN I ate a ginormous piece of cheesecake.  There was almost a little scuffle with the cake.  It went something like this:

B & I were driving home from dinner:
Me: I want cake
B: You just ate enough sushi to feed Shamu. Are you serious?
B: :: ignores scary birthday girl:::

Sitting on the couch at home:
Me: I want cake
B: You should go to the store and get some
Me: It's MY birthday! Will you go get me cake?
B: I'll get you cake if you fold the laundry
Me:  :::commence husband beat-down:::.....
B: FINE! What do you want? (please note his tone was dripping with birthday resentment. I would have liked a little more excitement about the fact that 31 years ago the world was blessed with my arrival, but whatev. At least I got my cake!)

My birthday was also marked by lots of birthday wishes on Facebook. Among them, a "Happy Birthday Erin!"  (please note, this is NOT MY NAME!) Hilarious. 

AND... my trigger shot! (please note, NONE of the doctors noticed it was my birthday, even though I told them my date of birth at least 3 different times yesterday.  I'm thinking about firing them for such a gross oversite....harumph. So the trigger wasn't as bad as I was afraid.  It's a smart thing those nurses stick you in the ass so you don't have to see that giant needle hurdling towards your poor little helpless body.  Here's the bad part about getting it in the ass (Ha! I just said getting it in the ass!)- It's not such a great spot when you have gas. Which I did. And the nurse was kneeling on the ground right with her face about 3 inches from my butt. 

I should mention, I'm new to the whole holding-it-in-thing.  I didn't know how to do it until about 2 years ago. And it's harder for me to suck that putrid air biscuit back in when I'm standing. So Gas+Poor Control + Nurse Face in the Ass with a needle = BAD. So I stood there and held my gas like I've never tried to hold it before.  I may have even prayed a little (my parents would be so proud).  And SUCCESS! The gas stayed in! Thank you birthday fairies!!!

And that is how I spent my special day. 

Side-note: I usually have the worst birthdays in the world.  The following things have happened on my birthday: Mount St. Helen's erupted and killed millions of people (okay, this one didn't effect me, but it was BAD.  Like sad-animal-bad bad), I got chicken pox, I got the flu, all my friends forgot my birthday, I got detention, I got into a car accident, I was in a tornado, and a boyfriend broke up with me.  Awesome.


  1. Happy Birthday! And thanks for giving me a new IF fear...farthing in my nurses face. May my butt control rival yours.

  2. Happy Birthday, fellow Taurus!

    I was born a gassy person. I will always be a gassy person. There are times when I will be sitting at work *thisclose* to exploding and whizzing around the room like a deflated balloon. Bottom line: I totally feel you.

    Fingers crossed the shot works!

  3. OMG. I have tears STREAMING down my face from laughing so hard at your trigger story. I was terrified that you would let loose. I'm so glad I found your blog, E!!!