Give me a 35!

35 is now my magic number. I must, must, must make it to 35 weeks (which is 10 weeks away).

The reasons are 3-fold:

1. Healthy babies (dur)

2. At 35 weeks, I meet my 1 year of employment. IF (and that's one whopping IF) I make it to 35 weeks without going on any kind of disability (read- bedrest where I can't work from home), then I get the first 8 weeks of maternity leave paid at 100%. 100 percent suckas!

3. If I give birth before the end of the year then I get bent over by insurance. Allow me to explain this shitstorm. We're changing insurance carriers effective Jan 1. IF these little nuggets of love decide to make their debut at the end of this year and we end up in the hospital in 2009 AND 2010, we'll get hit with hospital co-pays by BOTH insurance companies- and those are no small little co-pays my people. Yargh!

So, I'm going to cross my legs, hang upside down, do whatever is in my power to keep working & keep these babes in their happy utero home for another 10 weeks (and 1 day), which would be ideal.

25 Weeks!

I think late is on time when it comes to blogging, yes?

Actually, I have a good reason to be late. B & I went to our first baby class last night. The 3 hours were focused on pregnancy with an emphasis on all the things that can go wrong. I have a feeling bed rest is imminent. The 3 hour finale was a video of baby births. Holy gross bodily functions! I'm feeling like a c-section wouldn't be so bad after all (this from Miss "I want it natural like a bowl of granola"). And I'm not going go into all the ladies who were giving birth totally booty-ass naked. Really? I'm not giving birth with my bewbs. They can stay locked away. Only the necessary bits will be on display and that's still A LOT of me for my taste.

How far along? 25 weeks, 1 day
Total weight gain/loss: I weighed myself Saturday and I was 30 pounds. So that's down 3 pounds from last week. I'm not doing anything differently but 2 weeks ago I went on a pastry bender...So, don't worry, I'm sure the scale will continue to go up, up, and away!
Maternity clothes? All maternity- durrr
Stretch marks? Nope
Sleep: Still okay. I'm still feeling babies galore when I wake up.
Movement: A LOT. And I freaking love it.
Food cravings: So I'm not sure I have food cravings. I want whatever's in front of me. The saltier and more taboo, the better.
Gender: A boy and a girl
Labor Signs: None this week. Let's keep it up

What I miss: Drinking- I want rum in my cider!
What I am looking forward to: Getting the nursery done- We're getting close!

Milestones: Buying cribs, going to baby class

Babies, Babies, and.... Babies?

So I'm turning into that person. I have to make a conscious effort to NOT talk babies all.the.time. Fuck. I hate people like me.

I went to lunch with my two BFFs from my last job (a monthly ritual that's been on hold for about 2 months due to one friend having a baby). So, we've got pregnormous me, newly mommed out friend, and friend with her live-in BF (no ring, no baby). I was like, "Shit. Baby talk is going to take over this lunch and that's a super shitty thing to do."

So, I made a list- A LIST- of non-baby topics to talk about. Like the story where this girl in Spain made out with a random guy at a bar and ended up with corpse maggets on her lip, the nurse who ate her foot skin during meetings, my brother-in-law's batshitcrazy girlfriend, the UA I took at work this week when they gave me a broken cup and pee went all over me & the bathroom floor and I had to sit there for another hour percolating the ole bladder in pee clothes while the tech scrubbed the bathroom floor.

Damn. I've got some good stories. But these days all I end up talking about are my braxton-hix contractions, the size of my belly, the size of my ass, the nursery color, paint, furniture, and our multiples class that starts Monday....

I guess (as my doctor is saying to me a lot these days), it only gets worse. Pretty soon I'll be on Baby House Arrest and I'll only talk about breast milk, baby bowel movements, and sleep schedules. What an effing snoozefest I'll be....

24 Weeks!....and then some

Also known as, I've got a basketball-sized belly full of babies. (Don't you just luuuurv aliteration?)

So I've officially reached basketball status! And I made it to 24 weeks (Viability) which feels like a huge relief. Although we've got 14 weeks to go. Take a look at my belly and let that sink in. 14 weeks..... um, yeah...

Speaking of Viability, I was thinking of Monday as V-Day. There are a lot of fun V-words out there- Virility, Virginity, Veneral.

Sorry for the delay in an update. I've got no excuses...

How far along? 24 weeks, 3 days
Total weight gain/loss: I weighed myself today and I was 33 pounds up. Do the math and that's five pounds in 1 week!
Maternity clothes? If you think I can wear regular clothes you may just need your head examined.
Stretch marks? Nope! Miracles do happen!
Sleep: Improved. Although when I wake up in the middle of the night I can feel the babies partying it up.
Movement: Have I talked about how we can see movement now? A co-worker actually saw a little "pop" through my shirt the other day, which feels like an overshare.
Food cravings: I still love warm cookies the way I love reality tv- A LOT. And I love hot mulled cider even more. Put the two together and you have a recipe for Heaven.
Gender: A boy and a girl- durr
Labor Signs: This section deserves a novel-sized recap of my week, so we'll cover that below

What I miss: Rum, Flexibility, Being able to help around the house
What I am looking forward to: Getting the nursery done!

Milestones: Buying nursery furniture, Going to the hospital for the first time, Getting to 24 weeks SUCKAS!

And now a tale of woe. I started feeling cramps on Friday. Braxton Hix? Maybe... What the hell do I know! I've never been pregnant. So I can't differentiate between bad pain and normal pain. I give the doctor a ring and his nurse says to get my ass to the hospital to rule out pre-term labor. So B leaves a training to come pick my rolly polly butt up from work and off we go to el hospitalio (I don't "technically" speak spanish but I think mine's pretty good huh?). Turns out nothing was wrong but it was good to get a dry-run in.

Ah...Sunday Morning

What I want is a cup of coffee and a lot of porch-sitting.

Instead I'm dragging B to go look at a glider I found on craigslist and then we're fixing lunch for family. Sigh....porch-sitting and coffee (decaf) will have to wait for Saturday...

Oh, and am I crazy to think we can fit a glider into our Passat? B thinks so....

23 Weeks!

Update: B got home from the game last night and my tale of abdominal woe triggered his Paternal Protector. B insisted I stay home from work today and not move from the couch. The doctor told me to take things easy but I'm not sure she had a "couch+Erica's butt = marriage" equation in mind. Anyhoo, B took work off today so that he could police said marriage and ensure that no more abdominal trauma took place.

Update: Babies are visible! If you watch my belly long enough you'll see little thumps from inside. Crazy wonderful!

Update: I researched (ahem, googled) our puppy's newfound love for me and found this is completely normal for a dog when its owner is with child. I also learned his new crazy thing- barking and growling at strangers who come to the door is part of this.

And, now what you've all been waiting for

How far along? 23 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I weighed myself today and I was 28 pounds up. Yowsers!
Maternity clothes? If I'm not wearing maternity clothes, I'm wearing B's clothes.
Stretch marks? Nope!
Sleep: My little bro bought me a pregnant boppy. It's a big help but I still get hip discomfort
Movement: It is disco fever in my ute. I can now feel movement in 2 places at once!
Food cravings: warm cookies & cheese & salt
Gender: A boy AND a girl!
Labor Signs: I hope not. I don't think I have a clue about what a Labor Sign looks like....

What I miss: Rum
What I am looking forward to: Getting to 24 weeks. 1 week to go!

Milestones: Seeing young offspring bouncing around in my belly. Having my belly button in an "outy" position- WEIRD!

Round ligament pain

can kiss my dimply butt cheeks...

So I'm doing laundry which requires some bending and/or squatting. I bend over to lift a pile of dark, stinkedy clothing and HOLY BELLY TRAUMA! I feel like there's a stabbing pain in my stomach. Right in the middle underside of my belly (close to my cervix?). Well, that's a new one to me. Then I try squatting- And it comes back! That stabbing, tearing, evil pain from Hades right in my uterus.

"Hm...Methinks my body doth try to tell me something here" sayeth my faux-Shakespearean conscience. So, I call my mom. I talk to my wonderful midwife aunt who says it's probably round ligament pain & check my crotch. I check the undies for any sign of distress. All systems are go.

Fast forward 2 hours of my lying on the couch watching girly movies (Hellz yeah) and I start getting pain & aching on the left side of my abdomen.

So I call the on-call OBGYN (first time for this one). I did NOT cry on the phone which was a mighty triumph!!! She says it's round ligament pain but to stay on panty watch and call if anything unseemly starts to happen down under.

I feel like there should be a tutorial about round ligament pain.

Pregnancy is one scary mo fo when it's not a magical ride of hormones and cheeseburgers.

Oh, and my puppy is curled up next to me on the couch snoring away while B is at a football game. Amazing how an animal can provide infinite comfort...

22 Week Picture

Or- Do I look pregnant? Really? Do tell....

Sorry, a co-worker called me "Big Lady" today and I almost threw a doughnut at her. I have also been called "Plump One" and had numerous people say, "Wow! You're big!" to me. I'm over.it. I might have to get a t-shirt that says something clever. Like "this belly is big but your brain is small." Or "I'm here. I'm big. Get over it." Or "F*ck off. I'm pregnant." That's not really clever but more hostile.

How far along? 22 weeks (and 2 days)
Total weight gain/loss: I don't know for sure but at least 25 pounds. I'm not weighing myself...
Maternity clothes? All maternity, All Day, Every Day
Stretch marks? Still none. That is unless they are under my belly. I haven't seen that area of my body in weeks...
Sleep: Muh. I'm not running to the bathroom at night which is a nice relief. But the hip pain persists like a bitch.
Movement: Yes indeedly doo
Food cravings: I could eat pizza every day and be happy.
Gender: A boy AND a girl!
Labor Signs: None. And this ute better not get any ideas...

What I miss: Feeling cute :(
What I am looking forward to: Getting to 24 weeks

Milestones: Having a stranger ask me when I'm due. Of course, when I told her, her eyes got really big. Then I told her I was having twins and she said, "Oh, thank God." Yeah...see the beginning of my post.