21 Weeks!

Or - "Are you about to give birth?"

These are the last words people utter before I sit on them and pass my pregnancy-related gas. And FYI people, I don't get to a standing position too easily these days....Bwahahaha!

Please note how our puppy is strategically sitting right where he can block the scary size of my bedunkadunk. We must figure out how to make this happen every week....

How far along? 21 weeks (and 2 days)
Total weight gain/loss: plus 25 pounds! Aren't you glad you're reading this and you don't have to pretend this is okay to my face?
Maternity clothes? All maternity all the time! FYI- I went shopping for some maternity clothes and I caught the saleswomen high-fiving.
Stretch marks? No! My skin is super stretchy!
Sleep: It's complete crap. I really need a special pillow or maybe synthetic hips. I think the pillow is easier to get and less expensive!
Movement: Yep! These babes like to come to life in the evening. Tonight they were dancing to the music on "So You Think You Can Dance." They actually seemed to have rhythm.
Food cravings: Cheese. And cheese. And icecream. And cheese. And pastries. And cheese. And cheeseburgers. And buttery things.
Gender: A boy AND a girl!
Labor Signs: Nope. This uterus is on lock-down sayeth me.

What I miss: Not having back pain and not having such a large bedunkadunk
What I am looking forward to: Getting the nursery done. Will it ever happen? Stay tuned...

Milestones: They almost weigh a pound each! 11 ounces each (and this was 1 week ago. Grow babies! Grow!)

The Name Game

Just say no to telling people your prospective baby names!

B & I have been talking baby names since we were "cereal" about each other. We knew we were going to get married. We just knew we were going to have babies (we didn't realize this was going to prove to be the challenge it initially did). And we KNEW our babies were going to have totally kick-ass names!

Fast forward to actual fertilization and a BFP. B & I agreed- we were NOT going to tell people our baby names. We didn't want the unsolicited advice, the weird faces, the people poo-pooing our awesome names (Cause what did they know anyway? And I'm sorry a person with that same name was a whore at your college, stole your lunch money, farted on you in front of everyone...).

We were going strong until 2 weeks ago. B had a few too many beers and spilled the beans to his parents. Their reaction? I think it was a non-reaction... Like, "Oh...okay. That's cool....so, how's your grass growing?" So to make things equitable, I told my parents this week. Uh- open flood gates of unwelcome opinion. Fuck.

First reaction- crickets
My reaction- "THIS is why we weren't telling anybody!"
Their reaction (they like to be on the phone at the same time)- "Uh, we're not used to it. We're letting it sink in." (I call the Bull Shit police)
My reaction- Proceed justifying how we chose our names....(isn't that shitty?)

Fast forward to yesterday and a call from the moms

Mom- "I was thinking about your baby names. How about [girl name]?" (this name starts with the same letter as our favorite boy name)
Me- 'Thanks Mom, but we're staying away from anything matchy and that includes names that start with the same letter."
Mom- "I don't think it's matchy."
Me- "It starts with the same letter. That's too matchy and cute. Sorry."
Mom- "I was thinking about your other boy name. It's really nice but I'm afraid he'll get beat up because of it."
Me- (This is where, in my head, I jump through the phone lines and knock her over the head with a Baby Name book). Instead- "That's not going to happen. It's in the same family as lots of other popular boy names right now." (see how I'm justifying again? SHIT)
Mom- "Oh, I didn't realize that..... so how about [insert girl's name]?
Me- "We'll see..."
Mom- "Well, I really like [girl's name]
Me- "You'll always be able to like it. I won't take that away from you."
Mom- "Um...okay."

So, people feel like they are entitled to tell you what they think of your chosen baby's names. Hi- we're not in the "thinking about it" stage. We have chosen 2 top names and we're going to finalize it after they're born. And then you end up defending a choice you agonized over, researched, etc. This decision is pretty personal and I don't think people get it.

Moral of the story: Keep your mouth shut! Unless of course, you're a patient person (I'm not) and don't get annoyed easily (read- NOT ME). The.End.

Babies Galore!

So we had our 20 week ultrasound yesterday and the babies are GREAT! I keep telling myself to take a lude and calm down because they grow right along without help from my worrying. The lack of movement? Yeah...those little suckers completely changed positions so they are now sideways on top of each other. The heads are on my right side and the feet are on the left. So, I was totally wrong in judging their positions & degree of dance magic.

Babes are both 11 ounces each (up 5 oz each from 3 weeks ago- Holy growth spurt!) and look good and strong. Also, we saw a lot of movement, including what looked like a smooch from brother to sister on her head (until she pushed him away). Go ahead, I know you want to let out a big sigh of cheesetastic pleasure- "Awwww."

And now out of my maternal duties, I will subject you to many photos of them (I actually limited it to 2 because I got frustrated with my camera and I'm late to work). But there will be more to come. Bwahahahaha!

So because I'm so technologically disabled I can't figure out how to turn the pictures, I'll give an explanation. Also, who couldn't use a little neck workout every now and then??? Baby Girl H is on the top (and the picture is upside down) & Baby Boy H is on the bottom.

20 Weeks!

So, we're more than half-way there and I am quite the rolly polly! Noah the Dog has made it his mission to show me up with his fuzzy beauty in my weekly pictures.

How far along? 20 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I'll weigh in tomorrow at the doctor's.
Maternity clothes? Maternity pants and a bunch of non-maternity shirts that will never be the same. Behold my sad, stretched out sweater on the left.
Stretch marks? No! Triumph!
Sleep: Good and bad. More bad than good these days. I'm going to have to give in and buy one of those crazy snoogle pillows.
Movement: Yes. But only on the left side. I'm trying to keep it together and not have an aneurysm because there's little to nothing on the right side. Sigh...
Food cravings: Fruit and cheese. Oh, and I HAD to have cake this week. This resulted in a batch of cupcakes that were enjoyed by all!
Gender: A boy AND a girl!
Labor Signs: None and my ute better not get any crazy ideas....

What I miss: Moving around like a spry 31 year-old. Did I tell you filing+ pregnant belly + back pain = me stuck on the floor of our file room. Uh.... yeah....
What I am looking forward to: Our ultrasound tomorrow so I can stop freaking out about our baby girl's lack of movement.

Milestones: Getting our nursery walls painted (pictures to come)

I'm Going to Ask the Dirty Question

How do pregnant women maintain the nether regions?

I can't quite see my special bits anymore without a few creative bendy poses yoga-style. And let me tell you, Pals, when you're in the shower and your center of gravity is on the tea-cup ride, this is a risky move.

Do all pregnant women give birth with the bits uh.... native-style?

Happy Anniversary!

2 years ago was a freakin great day!

And now for a photo montage!

To my Husband, my BFF- You rule my world. I wouldn't want to go on this crazy ride with anyone else. Thank you for saying, "Bless you" when I sneeze in the middle of the night, picking up dog poops, picking up my mood when I need it, feeding me icecream, dancing. Thank you for being you!

19 Weeks Yo!

So, we're half-way there! Noah the Dog wanted to be in the picture again! Aw...isn't he photogenic?

How far along? 19 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I don't know. I'm in denial. But I know it's more than 20 pounds. Younks.
Maternity clothes? Still just maternity pants. I need to buy maternity shirts soon. The non-maternity shirts I've been wearing will never be the same.
Stretch marks? Nope! Bwahahahaha!
Sleep: Not so bad, really. Sleeping on my body pillow helps but rolling over is getting harder and harder.
Movement: That weird pressure? Definitely babies!!!! Holler!
Food cravings: Nope. I just crave food in general. Feed me
Gender: A boy AND a girl!
Labor Signs: None and it better stay that way.

What I miss: Having a back that doesn't hurt. Those were the good ole days....
What I am looking forward to: Getting the nursery done and choosing cribs. Someday....

Milestones: Movement! Even Brendan felt them but he was disappointed that it just felt like gas to him. And being half-way there!!!

Forest Fire - Red Level Alert

These thundah thighs are going to start a fire from all the friction in between!

So, I know I should be all la, la, la, I love being round and fruitful...but frankly, I'm distracted by the jello jiggle in my pants, in my shirt, on my back, yeah...everywhere. These thighs are rubbing together in a whole new way. My pregnancy wonderment looks something like this:

Me: Aw...I love my round baby belly. I love my babies. Wait? What's that sound? Oh, it's the sound of my pants ripping. It's the sound of the Earth crying under my feet. Crap.

I have developed muffin tops all over my body. In fact, B pointed to my shirt the other day and said, "Uh...what is that? I think you need new clothes."I feel like this would be a whole different ballgame were I about to burst forth 2 bouncing babes into the world. Instead, I am halfway there. YAY! HALFWAY THERE! And...Yikes! Halfway there? How big is this 5'2" body going to get? It's time for an intervention. Walking? Swimming? Yoga? I'm there.

18 Week Picture!

So here's another bee-u-tee-ful picture of yours truly. This is post-shower with no makeup or hair blow dry. You'll see our dog, Noah, really wanted to be in this week's picture.

So I'm starting to get a lot of comments on my belly. I am trying to enjoy this cute bump period before the bump becomes ginormous. Like the boulders that fall off the mountain and crush your car. In a few weeks, I'll be carrying that boulder on my torso...

How far along? 18 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Don't judge- 20 Pounds!!! Holy Hostess! And looking at this week's picture- boy does it show!
Maternity clothes? Still just maternity pants. But I'm getting closer and closer to the maternity shirts.
Stretch marks? My rear may be the size of Texas, but I have zero stretchies!
Sleep: Better than before. I'm sleeping half on my body pillow. This seems to help a lot. They need a question on here about back pain. I've never had it til the procreation fairy came to town and wowsa!
Movement: I think so. It's no fluttery, bubbly movement. I just feel a weird pressure from inside that comes and goes? Is this a baby? Or did I swallow an alien?
Food cravings: Nothing really. Sometimes fruit....
Gender: A boy AND a girl! Holler!
Labor Signs: None and it better stay that way.

What I miss: Moving like a regular person instead of a rotund geriatric. I counted myself lucky to tie my shoes the other day.
What I am looking forward to: Getting the nursery done. We're having a bit of a color crisis.

Milestones: Finding out the babies' sexes! Duh! And a far second is buying our first baby purchase. The Kolcraft Contours Tandem Stroller mentioned below.

The Verdict is In...The Babies have Bits!

This ute is a Variety Pack!

Baby A is a BOY!!!!
Baby B is a GIRL!!!

We've got the best of both worlds and can't believe our blessings! Let the naming, nursery decorating, and shopping commence....

17 Week Picture

...1 day late. I am nothing if not horrible at keeping up my blog.

So, let me take you through what taking a belly picture looks like. B makes every effort to take crap pictures of me until I start growling at him and God for cursing me with a Man Face. Voila! Your 17 Week belly pic and my "mad face." Watch out Babies! If you make me mad you will behold this lovely expression!

And if you don't think I have a Man Face, I will tell you. I did that Yearbook Yourself deal and holy testosterone! You could have just stuck my dad's face on any of those pictures and it looked like me. Yikes!

And now- Your 17 Week update!

How far along? 17 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Who knows? I'll find out tomorrow at the doctor and pray they don't laugh maniacally at my weight gain.
Maternity clothes? All maternity pants. I think maternity shirts are imminent.
Stretch marks? Zero! For now!
Sleep: Sleep is better but still a puzzle. If it's not the mattress, it's my pillow. If it's not my pillow, it's allergies. If it's not allergies, it's time to go to the bathroom.
Movement: I'm not sure if the movement was real last week. Every time I thought I felt movement, I started to feel gas. So did loved ones in my vicinity.
Food cravings: I wanted a cheeseburger one night but that's about it.
Gender: Less than 24 HOURS until we know!!!
Labor Signs: None

What I miss: Moving regularly and sleep
What I am looking forward to: Our ultrasound (TOMORROW! WEEEE!)

Milestones: Realizing my belly button is starting to make its exit. It is freaking me out.